appearance

I’ve been at this “recovery” thing since late November 2014.  I’ve had strings of days of sobriety (50 was the max) along the way.

A woman at work today checked in with me, she knows that depression is an issue for me, and at the end of our conversation commented, “Well, you look good.  In fact, you look better than you have in a long time!”

Nice thing to say, right?

The thing is, I’m not sure how to take it.  This is someone who saw me lose weight post-bariatric surgery (I lost 130 pounds), who saw me down for the count because of anemia, who saw me pregnant, someone, in short, who has known me for a long time.

And, while I’m thrilled I look so good in her eyes, I’m also wondering, just how bad did I look?  What was it that looked bad?  I’ve lost (and gained) the same seven pounds four or five times since September 2014.  I’m within three pounds of my base weight for the past three years.  Weight aside, I only fit in my “fat” jeans.  So, does she mean my weight?  Or, is it something about my skin? My eyes? My attitude?

Of course, I’m guarding my recovery process as though it were a state secret, so I won’t ask her if it’s that.

Which makes me wonder, have any of you experienced similar comments in your recovery process?